


An International Incident

by Wasuremono



Category: The Phantom Tollbooth - Norton Juster
Genre: Epistolary, Gen, Post-Canon, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2840660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wasuremono/pseuds/Wasuremono
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Letters between the Mathemagician and Azaz about a farmers' exodus, shared history, and perhaps the hope for accord. (Princess Reason weighs in, but no more than she has to.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	An International Incident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [plumeria47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumeria47/gifts).



> Happy holidays! I hope you're having a wonderful first Yuletide. 
> 
> Epistolary fic was an interesting challenge to write, and I always appreciate digging back into Phantom Tollbooth! I hope this is the sort of glimpse at these characters you were hoping for.

_Historian's Foreword:_

_The letters that follow were exchanged in the year AW 79, approximately two years after the freeing of the Princesses Rhyme and Reason from the Castle in the Air. Despite continuing military collaboration to retake territory from the demons of Ignorance, Dictionopolis and Digitopolis relations remained strained, largely due to the continuing enmity between their monarchs. Even with the good cheer caused by the return of Rhyme and Reason and the rebirth of heroism within the realm, a united Wisdom was still largely considered a fool's dream, no more real than the lost Castle in the Air._

_To those readers familiar with the stories of King Azaz and the Mathemagician's great military victories and fine statecraft, the pettiness of these letters may seem alarming. However, it is of great importance that we recognize the leaders and heroes of this era as the conflicted beings they were, not the figures of our national mythology. We must, as in all things, see clearly._

_\-- Dr. Minerva Bings, Professor of Heroic-Era History, University of Reality_

* * *

To the Most Sincerely Tolerated King Azaz:

I write this letter to you with a great trembling in my heart. I am not sure which possibility is more terrifying: that you and your people may be engaged in some terrible sabotage of Digitopolis, or that I may owe you thanks.

For four days, twenty-two hours, forty-seven minutes, and nine seconds, Digitopolis has been awash in immigrants from Dictionopolis. They claim to be farmhands, fleeing a depressed word market and in search of a decent price for their goods, but what they carry with them is of far more importance: the most precious _e_ and _i_! We have lacked fresh _e_ 's and _i_ 's since the trade breakdown years ago, and my Archmage of Accounting and Conjurer of Calculus tells me that the current supply is of fine quality, capable of high-precision interest compoundment rituals and esoteric acts of spellcraft. The Complex Apparatus is even now being dusted off, oiled, and chanted over to produce works of mathemagic beyond your ken!

Tell me the truth, Azaz. Was this a peace offering -- Rhyme's or Reason's idea, no doubt? You need not hide behind the lie of some economic depression. I promise to receive your kindness with grace. Of course, if this is a true product of your natural incompetence, or some sort of elaborate attempt at siege or sabotage, know that the finest minds in Digitopolis pore over your "gift" even now. We have granted your workers asylum, but exile awaits traitors. 

Yours in Complexity,  
The MATHEMAGICIAN

* * *

To M.:

Doom and gloom upon you! You tyrant, you horror, you cur!

My land, struck down by your "asylum!" Your "farmhands," crass burglars! A mass outcry -- our usual hard work worn down to dross, for lack of two souls! Two of our most handy symbols -- kaput! Azaz lacks words! Azaz lacks pronouns! Should your workhands abscond and carry away your plus or your octagon, you would cry "war!", but your hands grasp our sounds so coolly? 

May our worthy goods fly away from your vaults! Act soon, as Azaz grows mad from this chaos!

Curtly,  
AZAZ

* * *

To the Unesteemed King Azaz:

I could make little sense of your letter, but I surmise that the stories your emigrants tell of trouble in Dictionopolis is true. Have you, perhaps, lost all your economic sense? Our Economic Engines are warming up even as I write; perhaps we could fix Dictionopolis's eternal deficit of firm figures?

Nonetheless, I fear an unexpected variable has arisen in our current problem. Your citizens complain about our food! They suffer from the odd phenomenon of hunger incapacitation, and our native Subtraction Stew seems never to satisfy them. If your kingdom is in such disarray, perhaps the castle could spare a few cooks?

Approximately Yours,  
The MATHEMAGICIAN

* * *

To the Mathemagician, may he one day calculate the depths of his own cruelty:

Perhaps this letter will be more comprehensible to you. I have procured an emergency shipment of e's and i's sufficient for royal needs until this crisis passes. (Why do you put such aberrant emphasis on simple letters? Is this some aspect of your sorcerous arts?) 

As regards the immigrant situation: unlike your cruel and restrictive arts, language knows no borders, so citizens of Dictionopolis may freely emigrate. I will not force their return, but I also cannot be expected to continue to feed those who no longer dwell within our lands. Perhaps they should relearn the art of eating their words? Or, of course, they are welcome to return to their fields and orchards, if they see fit. A single strong harvest should not so easily dissuade a true letter farmer! 

Am I to surmise from your letter that you desire continued trade with Dictionopolis? Strange words for one who excels in the addition of salt to wounds. If you truly intend trade negotiations, we had best involve Rhyme and Reason. Why shouldn't they carry their weight again now that they've returned?

Begrudgingly,  
KING AZAZ THE UNABRIDGED

* * *

Dear Brother,

How pleasant to receive your letter, even if the content was so unpleasant! Rhyme tells me that she's received a nigh-identical one from Azaz. Have you two returned to the old arguments?

Unfortunately, we aren't available to travel and mediate right now. The reconstruction of Wisdom is at a vital point, and it is vital that Rhyme continue to advise the architects and that I supervise the builders, so that the entire project proceeds in harmony. We're focused on the keep of the old castle at the moment; the work goes slowly, but steadily, and it begins to look just as it was. Soon it'll look like it did when Father was alive!

Oh, brother, I wish you would visit us in Wisdom. I believe it would do you and Azaz a world of good to see the city rising again from the ruins. Even the gardens are recovering! Did you know that the old pi patch in Mother's garden survived? I remember digging them up all summer long and how you'd try to use them to teach me trigonometry while Azaz kept on about his classical Greek. I suppose Rhyme took something from all that Greek, but most of what I remember is the circular two-pi pie. Do you still remember the recipe?

It's a beautiful autumn, Mathy, and gloating at Azaz doesn't suit you, no matter how much practice you've had. Come back to Wisdom and help me in Mother's garden. Perhaps then a better solution will come to you.

Your Loving Sister,  
REASON

* * *

Dear Azaz,

Meet me in Wisdom in a week's time. I will be bringing advisers and preparations for a trade accord; I expect you to do the same. 

I could tell you of the hours I've spent tonight, calculating and re-calculating, and the inevitability from my figures -- the costs of your letters, the numbers we need -- that trade is a necessity for both our kingdoms to survive in some level of comfort. I could tell you of my lengthy conversation with the Archmage of Accounting and Magister of Markets, both of whom had wise and exceedingly technical words for me about the numbers that the Economic Engines have begun to produce. I could tell you all these things, but you have no reason to agree with them, because why should have we ever had to agree?

Perhaps Wisdom shall remind us of the grounds we have for agreement.

We campaign valiantly against Ignorance, but we must not forget Wisdom. Reason tells me that our father's castle rises again; I want to see it, Azaz, and I want you to be there. I want to remember the gardens we wandered when you were Ezekiel and I was Matthias, before we had the education or pride to take other names. I want to remember when we shared our knowledge with one another without regard for whose was the superior discipline. Will you consider such a thing?

You need not answer in a letter. Answer me by meeting me in Wisdom, or failing to; if you fail, your citizens shall return to Dictionopolis as soon as I can send them, and we will speak no more of this. If you meet me, we shall attempt to come to some accord, as kings and as brothers.

Yours Sincerely,  
MATTHIAS OF WISDOM, titled the MATHEMAGICIAN

* * *

_Historian's Afterword:_

_One week from the delivery of the final letter, King Azaz the Unabridged met his brother the Mathemagician in the partially rebuilt City of Wisdom. Despite the presence of their various aides and advisers, sources of the time document their subsequent negotiations as largely taking place in the late Queen Astrid of Wisdom's vegetable garden, digging and weeding while discussing matters of immigration and trade between their kingdoms. For this reason, the Dictionopolis-Digitopolis Trade Agreement of AW 79 is most popularly known as the "Queen's Garden Accord."_

_Despite its strange origins, the Queen's Garden Accord is regarded as the first step in the reunification of Wisdom. In addition to its codification of trade in letters, words, numbers, and equations (in addition to such "letter-numbers" as e, i, and pi) and reassertion of open borders for immigration, the Accord included lengthy discussion of the then-fractured gustatory states of Wisdom, sponsoring the development of multimodal cuisine that could satisfy both those who ate from hunger to fullness and those who followed the reversed Digitopolis tradition. Historians agree that this element of the Accord, ensuring that none would starve or glut themselves when far from home, bridged a substantial barrier to economic and cultural exchange between the two kingdoms. Without a unified cuisine, there might be no unified Wisdom, and the Queen's garden was where the concept was born._

_Another landmark feature of the Queen's Garden Accord was the lack of collaboration from the Princesses Rhyme and Reason. This is largely a factor of their preoccupation with Wisdom rebuilding at the time, but notes from King Azaz's advisers suggest that the Princesses deliberately avoided entering into their brothers' discussions or offering advice of any kind. The Earl of Essence's notes quote the Princess of Sweet Rhyme as saying "it's long past time they learned to work things out on their own," and the Queen's Garden Accord marks the first documented example of their achieving this goal. The importance of this cannot be overstated to a student of the early Unification Period; while the Twin Princesses of Wisdom were valuable forces for order and beloved rulers in their own right, true progress came only when they deliberately stepped away and forced their brothers to be cordial. It is an object lesson in knowing when discretion is the better part of rulership._

_The reader may note that this volume does not attempt to collect the various recipes associated with the Queen's Garden Accord and its various working lunches and celebratory dinners. This is because they have already been collected into a monograph of great value, "Eating in the Queen's Garden: Royal Delicacies and Culinary Experiments in the Early Unification Era" (Rauw and Giantson, Wisdom University Press, AW 359). This work is recommended to curious and hungry/full readers, particularly for the recipe for two-pi pie._

_\-- M. B._


End file.
